


Tick or Treat

by hellkitty



Category: The Tick (TV 2017)
Genre: Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 10:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12455382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellkitty/pseuds/hellkitty
Summary: Whhyyyyy can't I stop writing Stupid Things Happen to Overkill? WHYYYYYY?!?!Well, some festive holiday-themed stupid. As usual, most of this can be blamed on Dangerboat.





	Tick or Treat

“I hate you so much,” Overkill snarled as Dangerboat switched the interior lighting to orange and purple, cliche scary music over the PA.

“Come on,” Dangerboat said. “It’s Halloween. A time of magic and fun.”

“Screw magic. And fuck fun.”

“They’re waiting…,” Dangerboat warbled, then added helpfully, “There’s a bowl of candy by the door.”

“Goddam--” Overkill cut himself off as Dangerboat opened his portside door, to reveal a group of three kids, dressed as a trio of dogs, shouting too fucking cheerily, “Trick or treat!”  


Probably from some goddam cartoon, he thought, until he saw the M tag dangling on one’s collar.

That. Damn. Dog.

“Here.” He flung a handful of candy at them, listening to it land, like hard pellets, on Dangerboat’s wing. “Go away.” He threw another handful after them, chasing them back onto the dock. The kids screamed with laughter, stooping to pick up the candy, and one yelled back, “Scary costume, man!”

“It’s a uniform!” Overkill yelled, before stepping back inside. “Damn kids.”

“You didn’t have to wear the mask,” Dangerboat said, reasonably.

“I had to wear the mask,” Overkill snarled, as if explaining it to someone stupid. “Not going to let strangers see my face.”

“Glad to see I’m not a stranger.”

“What….the fuck have you got on?”

“A costume,” Dangerboat said. “I’m dressed as GLaDOS.” The boat raised the pitch of its voice to something that sounded female. “And I am here to offer you cake.”

“Jesus Chri--GODDAMMIT.” The door tone again. “Swear to god I’m going to--”

The door opened, this time, to reveal a witch costume. A sexy witch costume, the kind that was slit up to, uh, there, and cut down to, yeah, there, exposing a lot of curvy, sexy skin, and then above that… “Trick or treat, jackass," Miss Lint said, her voice warm and sweet, just before she pushed her way inside, one hand raised, electricity crackling from her fingertips. She blasted Overkill back against the bulkhead, her electrical charge setting his hands on fire and making his eyes glow.

“Lint,” he gasped, the word coming out crackly through his mask’s vocal changer.

“Overkill,” she retorted, taunting, stepping close enough that he could feel her body like an electrical field against him.

“Dangerboat. Defensive systems AAAAAGH!!”

Lint sent another wave of voltage through him, shorting out his mask, and, with one flick of her fingers, magnetizing his metal hands to the bulkhead behind him. “Now,” she purred, “let’s get this out of the way.” She pulled his mask off his face, giving it half a glance before tossing it over her shoulder. He could hear it plop in the bowl of candy.  


She peeled his hood off, next, close enough that he could feel her breasts against his body armor, her hands running through his close cropped hair, gripping it to tilt his head down to her. “Kiss me, you goddam idiot,” she hissed.

He didn’t have much choice--she had him pinned, his hands still stuck to the wall, the metal parts of his uniform stuck, as well. And, to be honest, this close, her mouth was really...inviting…. And soft, and warm, and there was just a little tingle to her mouth, like kissing someone with one of those really strong British peppermint things in their mouths. He heard his breath escape in something like a shudder when she released him from the kiss, her teeth grazing his lower lip.

“Talk,” she said, her voice sultry.

“I’ll never tell you anything, Lint,” he said, hearing the quiver in his own voice, because this close, her eyes were really pretty and the scar on her face was fascinating to look at and...yeah. He was not going to break under this interrogation technique. At all.

“I’m not here for that, idiot,” she said, brows creasing. 

“You’re not?” That made this whole situation even weirder, somehow. “Then...what?”

"Maybe I just wanted to hear your real voice," she whispered, in his ear, close enough that the hairs on his neck stirred from her latent charge. “Besides, your boat invited me over.”

“Dangerboat?”

“Magic. And fun!” Dangerboat chirped. “Also, intercourse is often seen as an acceptable form of stress relief. And you have been stressed lately.”

“You heard the boat,” Miss Lint said, her hands groping down his body. “Magic and fun. That’s me.” She grinned up at him, her hands sliding to his crotch. “And ooo, someone’s already hard.”

“That’s armor,” Overkill said. What? It’d be stupid to not wear a steel cup in his line of work. He wasn’t stupid.

Her grin twisted into a frown, and she charged up, and he felt a tingly wall of electricity, like a giant hand made of static cling, shove him off the wall and against the table, flattening him on his back.

“Take,” she hissed, “it off.”

“I’m not obeying you, Lint.” Even if her kiss still tingled on his lips, and the way she bent over him revealed a lot of cleavage that drew his eyes like some other kind of magnet.

“Fine, then,” she said, and flicked her hand, the electromagnetic charge pinning his hands to the table. “I’ll just do it myself.” Her hands worked over his chest, the waistband, tugging, pulling, trying to find some zipper or snap or something. “I thought women’s clothes were supposed to be frustrating.”

“It’s body armor,” Overkill growled. “It’s supposed to be hard to get off.”

“You better not be,” she retorted, fumbling with his body armor. “I swear, I will just tear right through this, Overkill.”

He was pretty sure she’d do it, too. He was also sure that Dangerboat was recording this, and right now, with his hands pinned down by her electrical charge, there was nothing he could do about it. This was a conspiracy. He hated conspiracies. “I can’t do anything without my hands,” he said.

She relented, maybe because, for a radical change, Overkill was almost being reasonable, and he felt some of the charge lift, enough that he could move his hands. “You better play nice,” she said, one hand pointed, at the ready.

“You’re not.”

“Double standard,” she said, tipping her chin up, proudly.  “Also, I’m a villain, remember?”  


Hard to forget. Harder to argue. He sat up, sliding the bandolier of shotgun shells over his head, reaching for the straps against his ribs that held the body armor in place. He was just about to peel that off too, when the door chime sounded again.

“Ignore it,” Overkill said, freezing. Who the…?

“Overkill!” A voice boomed through the steel door. “It’s the Tick.”

“Shit,” Overkill muttered. “Dangerboat. Why the hell is he here?.” They were going to have more than words.

“I don’t know!” Dangerboat said.

The knocking continued. “Overkill! I know you’re in there!”

“What the hell do you want?”

Lint had gone to the door, ready to zap the blue idiot through the metal plating.

“It’s Halloween, Overkill. Arthur’s father is having a party. He wants Arthur and I to go!”

“So go!” What the hell did this have to do with Overkill?

“You want to come!”

“No, I don’t.” Even if Miss Lint wasn’t here, in a costume with a slit up to all sorts of interesting places, he would not want to go with the Tick. Or Arthur. Anywhere.

“Of course you do! There will be snacks. And party games. And--” Dangerboat’s door slid open, “Ah, there you are! And Arthur’s friend Paloma!”

“Dangerboat…,” Overkill snatched up his body armor, slinging it over his head again.

“He was hurting me,” Dangerboat said, offended.

“We have other plans,” Miss Lint said, stepping between them. “And you need to go.”

“Plans? Is she helping you with your accounting? On Halloween?”

"Can you think of anything more terrifying?" Miss Lint said, offering a plastic fake smile. 

“Yeah,” Overkill said. “Something like that.” He wasn’t sure if Lint could take out the blue freak, and while part of him wanted to see it, another part just wanted the Tick to go. Away. Far, far, far away. “Here,” he said, picking up the bowl of candy, retrieving his mask. “Bring this to the party instead.”

“Oooooh, candy!” The Tick took the bowl.

“There is also cake,” Dangerboat said, pitching his vocal timbre to female again.

“No there isn’t!” Overkill said, shoving the Tick out the door.

Dangerboat slid his door shut behind the blue weirdo. “Well,” he said, in that tone of voice that indicated he was trying for a joke. “I guess you could say you had a choice between--”

“Don’t say it,” Overkill said, glaring at Dangerboat’s optical module. “Don’t you dare.”

Dangerboat shifted the lights, to orange and purple again, and let a riff of spooky music play. “Tick.” Dangerboat said, taunting.

“Don’t do it.”

Dangerboat cut the lights and sound effects, ominously except for one spotlight on Miss Lint, who looked like she was about to zap him into the future. “Or treat.”


End file.
